Wednesday, December 30, 2009


While we were on the plane in our way to Rome, we experienced about 30 minutes of really strong turbulences. There were people puking and crying all over the plane and in the meantime, I found myself wondering: Am I afraid of death?. Few years ago, if somebody had asked me that question, I would have answered with a "I'm not afraid of my own death but of those who surround me". Nowadays, and due to my lack of faith, I find myself really defenceless in some concrete circumstances.

Amongst the most difficult situations I've been going through in these last years, probably my father's death has been the one that has affected me the most. The loss of the head of my family left me with such a huge emptiness that it is still difficult to explain it 2 years and a half after. Not one day passes by that I don't think about how different my life would be if he was still between us.

He was one of the most intelligent person I have ever met. Always reading, listening to music, designing those crazy graphics for hours in the AutoCAD or watching all kind of different sports in TV. He had strong beliefs towards politics and religion but he was tactful enough to not share those with anyone. As a good Capricorn he was very stubborn but he was loyal as the most.

Luckily, I still remember perfectly well his facial features, his tone of voice when talking to me, his smell, the touch of his hands... I refuse to think that everything will vanish someday from my head. Maybe that is the reason why I denied seeing him during his last hours alive. I didn't want to keep on my mind 2 fateful days out of the 25 wonderful years I spent with him by my side. I seriously still don't understand how my mum and my sister could have been so masochistic to go into that room full of doctors and nurses and see my poor dad lying in bed unconscious.

Nowadays, I have his three initials tattooed in my right wrist looking at me. They remind me who I am and where I come from.

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