THOUGHTS.

2010 is not being so far the kind of year I was waiting for. I kind of expect that the new decade was going to be different but it isn't at all. I have always had the belief that once a year passes by and we have made some mistakes, we learn about those and they make us not only wiser but also stronger. That statement makes me wonder, what did I learn during the past decade?. First of all, at that time I became an epileptic. The disease that describes me as a person, that turned my world upside down and that sadly will be living with me forever. I always refer to it as my worst nightmare and believe me when I say that this is something I don't wish to anyone even to my worst enemy. Nowadays, it is normal for me to take it easy during the night or to go out and stay sober but I can remember there was a time during my teen years, when I was asking myself what did I do wrong to deserve such a cruel punishment.

Secondly, my dad passed away all of a sudden. I don't want to speak so much about it as I dedicated a full post to this theme not long time ago. Thirdly, it must be my depression. I always knew that I was a person very prone to depression. I'm the kind of person who prefers to not talk about her personal stuff while suffering about it in silence. All these "internal issues" together with a feeling I never experienced before -called love- brought me a huge depression. Fourthly, I have been rejected over and over again. I have been rejected in such bad ways that nowadays I cant barely believe in no one's words.

I was never a very optimistic person but I thought there was still a hope for me in 2010. If I'm realistic, the only motivation that keeps me going on nowadays are all the journeys I have planned. Hopefully, this year I will be strong enough and I will find the reason to leave this bubble for good.

OH MY ROB!.

Still can't understand why, but it is impossible to remain impassive before him. Love him or hate him. I have chosen the first one.

THE GOOD TIMES MAY COME BACK.

No matter how long it takes you, I will wait for you.

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION.

I made a promise to myself: Since this very moment, I'm going to start taking care of myself without caring what other people will think. For once, I'm going to put myself and my own interests before anyone's. It is time to be selfish. I don't want to make the mistake of forgetting myself because of other person and end up totally hurt and with a huge depression.

I'm going to surround myself with AUTHENTIC people. People with principles and people who want to know your opinion and don't censure yourself just because you don't share the same thoughts or ideals.

Although a little bit late, this is my new year resolution. I don't want to waste a single minute out of my precious life waiting for people who will never come back to me.

R.I.P.

Alexander McQueen also known as l'enfant terrible of fashion.

THANK YOU ALL FOR A GREAT WEEKEND.

Helena, Anna, Angel and Bard by the Oslo Royal Palace.

REJECTION.

If you give me a dictionary and tell me to pick the word I hate the most, that will be probably rejection. Three syllables full of meaning which can totally destroy people's lives and feelings. Through the years, we have seen thousands of poets and singers relieving their sorrows, frustrations, turmoils and anger through their art. Guess I found mine posting here my inner thoughts.

I asked for some help to my good friend, and better lyricist, Mattias K in order to define the pure meaning of Love Rejection. As usual, he didn't disappoint me. According to him, it is the fear of feeling naked in the sense of another person knowing us from the inside to the outside.

According to my so called "special vision about love", I have been constantly rejecting love during these last three years. Of course I haven't spent those under a vow of chastity, but my behaviour indicated that for me they were mere one night stands. I may be hurt next day but it was much because of my actions and the embarrassment I felt towards not only my acts but also myself.

I'm not a believer but please God, I really want to believe in LOVE again.